Choose your Hard...

I did it. I’m not sure if it was the smart thing to do, but it was definitely the right thing to do. I quit my job. I’m a sales leader in the tech space. I know quiet quitting is a thing, and if I was an individual contributor — maybe that would have been an option for me. But when you run a team, you owe it to them to be the leader you would want …so I showed up everyday. When I couldn’t muster the energy for me, I showed up for my team. I could waste your time telling you the obvious about how it’s a male-dominated industry, how I’m a Black woman, and how it hasn’t been easy — but that’s not what this post is about. This post is about choosing your hard.

I worked at this company for almost a year. During that time, I had the chance to work with some fantastic people and, unfortunately, some not-so-great people. But what I found was that I was losing more than I was gaining — I was losing my joy. The mental gymnastics of trying to stay three steps ahead of an under-qualified, white, male boss who was suffering from an insatiable bout of imposter syndrome was debilitating. I saw through him rather quickly, and I think that was the issue. He couldn’t hide from me.

So instead, he sought to diminish me. He would talk about me to my peers, undermine any innovation I brought to the table, and single me out for typing in meetings when my peers were doing the exact same thing. (Petty, right? I know.) I knew this was war, but I also knew that in war there is no rest. It infiltrated my quiet hours, my time on vacation, my late-night battles with insomnia — and eventually, my body started responding to the pressure in the form of anxiety (which I had never struggled with before). At that point, a decision had to be made.

Do I stay and fight, or do I strike out on my own and use these roadblocks as lessons for myself and others? Both options would be hard — extremely hard. But I chose, and I chose me. I chose to tell my story and embrace the hard path of figuring it out without a roadmap. I chose the hard of walking away from being treated poorly despite my efforts to find justice. And I chose the hard of betting on myself as I enter into a new season filled with wonder and a little fear.

What you aren’t changing, you are choosing. So choose wisely. I choose me. What choices are you having to make? Choose wisely.